this means that

         I have discovered that the majority of people out there are stupid. No offense! Maybe you're not one of them. (but you probably are.) I, however, am not. So... being as nice as I am brilliant, I will open your eyes to some of the obvious facts of life that many cannot seem to fathom.

1) Men who have good jobs get laid more. Fact.

It doesn't matter if he's ugly, stupid, or a rapist. Hell, it doesn't matter if he's all 3! If he's got a cool job and a lot of money, he is soaking up the sexual activity.

Equally true is the sad fact that even if you're the best guy on the planet, but you have a shitty job or are unemployed, you probably don't see that much action. Sorry hobos. Rapist for the win! 

2) If your daughter/sister/girlfriend plays or enjoys watching softball- she is most likely a lesbian.

If she's always hanging out with her "roommate"- guess what? They're scissoring.

If she only wears birkenstocks and her closet looks like this:

 

 Softball is the number 2 lesbian identifier. It falls after driving a huge truck and comes right before flannel.

3) If you spend more than 20 hours a week on your computer (outside of work, or writing awesomely entertaining blogs) then you are a virgin. World of Warcraft doesn't help you pick up the ladies. Don't try to defend it by making shit up.



Also, be wary people!! You may think you're talking to a non-virgin online, a studbucket, a real catch. But you never know. Your dream man's profile may in fact be fictional.

Not that being a virgin is bad! I know a few people who are choosing to wait until marriage to knock boots.

Being a virgin past 20 doesn't make you weird or different. Just gay!

4) Lastly, and one of the most applicable of my list: If a guy drives a massive truck, he is simply compensating for having a tiny penis.

Driving a gas guzzler makes him feel like a warrior, increases his testosterone levels and makes him feel like more of a man. The more obnoxious the truck, the tinier the penis. A guy I work with has lights and a siren installed on his lifted F350. I'm willing to bet (but not willing to stand witness) that he doesn't even have a penis. It was ripped off in some freak skydiving accident.

Other telltale signs a man isn't very well endowed- he wears affliction, and hides his tiny rooster behind true religion jeans.

He probably also keeps his sunglasses upside down on the back of his head. You KNOW this guy. Tiny pecker guy. Poor fellas. Thank goodness girls aren't judged by the size of our vaginas. Otherwise Lindsay Lohan would be considered a catch!