Apologies

We've all done some things in our lives that we are not at all proud of. I am no exception. I've participated in my fair share of heartless shenanigans, said some things that I shouldn't have, and hurt some people I wish I wouldn't have. There are a few things however that I feel especially compelled to apologize for. And while the people who need to hear my regrets will most likely never stumble upon this blog, I gotta get it off my back. 

First of all, to the first target of my mindgames- my youngest cousin Mikey: I'm sorry for never letting you play tag, always blaming things on you, and lying to you about having a tail. 

But mostly, I'm sorry for making you earn both my love, and entry into the treehouse our uncle built. (that was really just a bench nailed to a big tree bench, but cool to little kids nonetheless.)

You were so young and trusting. And stupid. But at 7 years old I was old enough to know better. 

So i'm sorry for being mean to you repeatedly throughout our childhood. I'm sorry for laughing at you, making you do and eat ridiculous things, and for exposing you to hookworms and countless other diseases that can be contracted from eating poop. 

Secondly, to my sister; whose wedding tape was mysteriously taped over with Law and Order:SVU...   

And my brother; who I said did it in order to avoid the wrath of a ruthless newlywed- my most sincere apologies.

It was me. 

Lastly, to the entire Walmart empire, I'm sorry for stealing those 4 dollar scissors. I only gave myself enough time to get to your store to buy some supplies for class, and only brought a twenty dollar bill. The scissors would have put me over the limit. I had to have them! I had to have cutting capabilities! 

I only had moments to make a decision. I regretfully chose wrong. 

(but 4 dollars is really kind of expensive for safety scissors, don't you agree?)

I feel much better now that i've gotten these things off my chest. I hope you can all find it in your hearts to forgive me.